Sunday, July 27, 2003

An open letter to Pat Robertson

Plenty of little jewels on Pat Robertson’s website. A sampling: “Did you know that Pat Robertson can leg-press 2000 pounds! How does he do it?” Wow! 2000 pounds. I knew he was a bigot, but I didn’t know he was such a buff bigot!

One of my favorites, though, is his recent “shout out” to the Lord regarding the old and infirmed on the Supreme Court.

Operation Supreme Court Freedom

...Would you join with me and many others in crying out to our Lord to change the Court? If we fast and pray and earnestly seek God’s face, then He will hear our prayer and give us relief.

One justice is 83 years old, another has cancer, and another has a heart condition. Would it not be possible for God to put it in the minds of these three judges that the time has come to retire? With their retirement and the appointment of conservative judges, a massive change in federal jurisprudence can take place.

We can have a court that no longer legislates from the bench the wishes of The New York Times and The Washington Post, but which will earnestly seek to interpret the Constitution as it is written and to give meaning to the centuries of moral standards which have undergirded this wonderful country called the United States of America.

Please join us in prayer to support a massive prayer offensive that we are going to call Operation Supreme Court Freedom.

My open letter to Pat:

Dear Pat:

You’re freaking me out, man! The Times and The Post are calling the shots? I wonder how the recent staff changes at the Times will effect the Court? I wonder which cases Jason Blair got to determine? Should stare decisis apply to those? And how do they get Safire and Krugman to agree? All those Con Law students wasting their time studying the writings of the justices, when they should be taking journalism courses.

I’m confused, Pat. I don’t have your theological training, but wouldn’t it be more Christian to use the power of prayer to cure the cancer and alleviate the heart condition? After all, when you had cancer surgery earlier this year, you requested prayers for your recovery, not your retirement. Maybe that’s what’s throwing me. Also, your website indicates that you’re 73. O’Connor is actually four days younger. Maybe she respects her elders and she’s waiting for you to set an example.

Another thing, Pat, you’re not being very strategic. On the same page as Operation Supreme Court Freedom the sidebar lists:

Pat’s Age Defying Oxidants

Pat’s Age Defying Shake (which I guess is not a dance move)

Pat’s Age Defying Pancakes

Age Defying Pancakes sound really cool, but what if the offended justices read your prayer for their demise, pick up on your vitality tips and just keep going, and going and going, like the energizer bunny? Heckfire, on your regimen even ‘Ol Stevens will be leg pressing 2000 pounds before long. That’s a whole ton, you know. We want regime change, Pat, not regimen change!

Of course, you’re right. God must be troubled that Texas can’t lock up gay people any more. Putting people in prison was probably the best way to prevent sodomy and now that’s out the window. I know how Jesus stressed the importance of Man’s laws and told the apostles to go forth and legislate.

I’m still amazed how many people still don’t realize that God is a conservative –loving, Republican American with no interest in curing the ailments of older, more moderate Republicans. Of course, his lack of concern for Democrats’ health is a no brainer.

Well Pat, I just want to encourage you to keep pluggin’. A man of your grace and humility is truly rare. You are only too modest on your website when you list yourself as a statesman, media pioneer, businessman and a humanitarian. This country needs more humanitarians. Especially ones with the wisdom and humility to offer the Answers to Life’s Most Challenging Questions. God bless you, Pat.

Yours in the struggle,


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