Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Get a Baby Bib Just Like Dubya Wears!

Slate captured a sneak peek at Dubya’s 2004 Re-, I mean Election, website. It has a nifty picture of Dubya with a ten gallon hat, cocking his head like James Dean in Giant and asking you to “Be a Bush Team Leader.” That means raise obscene amounts of money for the cause. The site is not without substance, however. Tough questions are posed, such as:

“Do you support a jobs and growth plan that gives taxpayers an average of $1,126 or more a year?”

I don’t know, Dubya. Jobs AND Growth? And free money to boot?! Hot Damn! Why are we even having an election?!

That’s right, folks. Bill Gates gets about six million bucks and 95% of the state of Kansas gets to divvy up a $1.50. Trust me, it averages out about right. Dubya wouldn’t mislead you with numbers, unless they came from a reliable Nigerian source or a 12 year old’s term paper.

The site also includes some really nice American landscapes that Dubya can’t possibly get around to polluting without four more years. He’s tried, but things take time.

The best part is that even though the site has now been pulled, the Cyber Dubya Five and Dime is fully operational. Click here to get a genuine "white terry cloth bib with navy binding and two snap closure at the back of the neck," just like the one Laura straps onto to the Commander-and-Chief right before dinner every night. (You have wondered about the paucity of state dinners, haven’t you? Press conferences are bountiful by comparison.) Only $9.95! (Taxes may vary, depending upon the depth of your particular state’s fiscal crisis.)

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